the world's pussiest animals

Let's define the pussybility of an animal as its ability to do nothing at all. Therefore, an animal is pussier as they do more nothing. I've compiled a list of the top 10 pussiest animals in the world.

10. Sea Cucumber. There's not much to the sea cucumbers. They are just echinoderms with a cucumber shape. They live in the bottom of the sea waiting for someone to attack them so that they can vomit their internal organs. They are so good at doing nothing that some varieties of fishes have evolved to live in their cloacas.

9. Kiwi. Most of the flightless birds have something to compensate for their inability to fly. The Kiwi has nothing. It is just a small bird with a long bill. Their only purpose in life is to lay an egg half their size. Their inability to do anything at all draws interesting parallels between these animal and an inanimate fruit.

8. Tapir. What would happen if you mated an elephant with a pig? It could be something really cool like a beast with the strength of the elephant and the voracity of a pig... or a tapir, which has everything that is useless from both animals. Tapirs are not only funny looking but also pretty pussy. They have a long prehensile trunk that they use for nothing. They fight over females by biting their rear legs.

5. Goldfish.
Everyone's favorite domesticated fish. The only memory they have is due to classical conditioning. They are a common pet mostly because they just lie there being goldfishes. The goldfishes are so pussy that if given enough food, they will continue to eat until their intestines burst. Overfed fish can sometimes be recognized by feces trailing from their cloaca.

4. Sloth. So slow that the only thing they can do is eat, and even then the food takes about a month to digest. They have claws that they swipe slowly when attacked. Usually, green algae grows in their hair hinting that they evolved from the rock.

3. Panda. Pretty much any animal whose diet consists 98% of bamboo is a pussy. They used to be given as peace offerings between kings as if saying "I will not attack you, I am a pussy and completely unable to defend myself".

2. Dodo bird. So pussy that it is extinct already. It was, ugly, flightless and fat. So dumb that it left itself to be hunt to extinction. The Dutch called it Walgvogel ("disgusting bird").

1. Manatee. Even when their name derives itself from the Carib word for "breast" manatees are still better classified as a "pussy". An animal must be very pussy to have no natural enemies and still be endangered. Their hobbies are waiting in the water for a boat to pass close and strike them.