Revenge of the kitchen floor

I just heard the follow-up stories to the Kitchen Floor story.

A week after the Kitchen Floor story, he was walking down his street with his friend. Some girls says "Hey" and then rides her bike off. His friend starts laughing like crazy. "Do you know her?" he asks his friend. His friend laughs even more: "Dude, that was the girl you made out with in the kitchen floor, and you can't even recognize her."

Five months later, he was again with his friend, having a beer. "Dude, do you recall that girl that was with so and so yesterday?" his friends says. "Yeah, so and so's girlfriend?" "No dude, she was that girl that you made out with in the kitchen floor."

more on my childhood

I talked before about my childhood. Following are some experiences that I remember well and what I learned from them.

I asked Santa Claus for a cow so we would not have to buy milk.
 - I went outside that Christmas.
 - There was no cow outside.
I learned that Santa Claus can't fit a cow in his sleigh.

My aunt gave me many Cameo cookies once.
 - I could not eat all of them so I hid them on my pockets.
 - Those were my favorite red pants.
 - I don't like Cameos anymore.
I learned not to wash pants with cookies in the pockets.

I wanted to record Back to the Future 2.
 - My sister wanted to record Mary Poppins.
 - She never watched Mary Poppins.
 - I saw Back to the Future 2 five years later.
I learned how to program the VHS.

I was playing in my cousin's slide. 
 - My brother dared me to throw myself standing up.
 - I ruined everyone's good day.
I learned how NOT to use the slide.

I received some Legos for Christmas.
 - My brother got some imitation Legos.
 - He traded his "better" Legos for my uglier ones. 
 - He would not let me borrow his Legos.
I learned that Knights and Warriors Legos are more fun than Space "TYCO's"

I had a dog named Tandy.
 - Its puppies were named Apple, Honeywell, IBM and Hewlett-Packard.
I learned that dogs can't lift cars.

The War on Science

Nature, the most important peer reviewed journal in science has slowly been changing its editorial comments from passive political to very critical to the Bush administration. This is a reflection of the general sentiment in the scientific community towards the cases where science has been suppressed or watered down by the executive branch in the past 5 years. Attacks of this level in science have been unprecedented in United States of America.

This past week three articles were published in the journal alarming that we are at a point where the independence of scientific thought will be compromised in an irreparable way.

Science under attack

"Scientists need to recognize the potency of the threat this philosophy represents to the long-cherished independence of US science."[...] Baltimore [Nobel laureate, outgoing president of the California Institute of Technology, president-elect of the AAAS, and arguably the most eminent voice in all of American science] warned that the doctrine opens the way for "an exertion of executive hegemony over science". He called on researchers to "fight for a very different doctrine" under which "the executive's role is to defend intellectual freedom". [...] In its five years in office, the Bush administration has sought to exert tighter control of the branches of government where scientists work. This applies [...] to places such as the National Institutes of Health and NASA, where intramural researchers are used to the freedom of expression enjoyed by their university colleagues.

US scientists fight political meddling

In recent weeks, several researchers have gone public with charges that their government minders censored or otherwise manipulated their findings [...]

• In October 2004, a NASA press officer was reportedly pressured by her boss to delay a news conference on ozone and air pollution until after the presidential election the following month.


• A University of Colorado sea-ice expert argues that NASA last autumn watered down a university press release to remove mention of accelerating sea-ice decline. NASA is re-evaluating its media policies.


• Scientists at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration have protested at the agency's public position that denies any links between hurricanes and global warming. The administration recently updated its website to acknowledge that some researchers see a connection.

On related news, do you remember how, just before the elections, Bush promised that we were going to Mars, and how he was going to increase NASA's budget?

US space scientists rage over axed projects

Proposed cuts to NASA's science budget have unleashed a storm of anger from US astronomers and planetary researchers, who say the reductions would cause irreparable harm and drive young people from the field. [...] Planetary scientist Alan Boss of the Carnegie Institution of Washington says the cuts would devastate US space science just as physics was jolted when the Superconducting Super Collider was cancelled in 1993, after $2 billion had been spent on it. "High energy physics never quite recovered from that."

God save us.

Harlow vs Yanni

Celebrity death match.

Who would win in a fight, Larry Harlow or Yanni Chrysomallis?



Larry "El Judio Maravilloso" Harlow

• Excels at many musical instruments (organ, oboe, English horn, flute, bass) although he is best known as a piano player.
  
• Jazz and Salsa band leader.
  
• Had long hair.
  
• Has a mustache.
  
• Looks kind of gay.
  
• Wears funny make up.
  
• His music can be described as experimental Salsa-Jazz.
  
• One of the first to record in the famous Fania record label.
  
• Classically trained in harmony and composition in New York.
  
• First important disk was Me And My Monkey.
  
• Jew born in New York with a fascination for latin music, in particular, Cuban music.

Yanni

• Fluent at many instruments, although he is best known as a piano player.
  
• New Age instrumental music band leader.
  
• Played in the Taj Mahal, The Acropolis and others.
  
• His concert was one of the biggest hits ever aired in PBS.
  
• Has long hair.
  
• Has a mustache.
  
• Looks kind of gay.
  
• His music can be best described as answering machine pop.
  
• Doesn't know music notation.
  
• Has perfect pitch.
  
• First important disk was Live at the Acropolis.
  
• Greek that went to study in the Midwest, with a fascination for elevator music.

Por favor, no me tiren piedras

Las noticias de Nicaragua son como un Koan Zen.

Borracho causa daños y lesiones

OCOTAL, NUEVA SEGOVIA, (Róger Olivas).- Tras las rejas de la estación policial ocotaleana se encuentra el sujeto Santos Leandro López Estrada, de 19 años, presunto autor de lesiones y daños a la propiedad contra José Francisco Olivas Castellanos y Hermicenda Cuadra Lovo, residentes de la capilla San Martín media cuadra al Norte, en esta cabecera departamental. José Francisco aseguró que en los primeros treinta minutos de la madrugada del lunes 14 de enero, dormía placenteramente cuando Santos Leandro, en completo estado de ebriedad, lanzó piedras a diestra y siniestra contra su vivienda y destruyó los vidrios delanteros de su camión Robur, placas 153-871, cuyas pérdidas ascienden a más de mil córdobas. Al escuchar las pedradas, Hermicenda se levantó y abrió una ventana, pero fue lesionada en la frente por el borracho. De acuerdo al dictamen médico, las lesiones sanarán en una semana. La Policía realizó inspección del lugar, solicitó dictamen médico legal y detuvo al presunto autor, quien será remitido a la orden del juez competente.


Apedrea a caminante

QUILALI, NUEVA SEGOVIA, (Róger Olivas).- Tras las rejas de la estación policial quilaleana y la orden del Juez Local Unico se encuentra el sujeto Norman Orozco, presunto autor de lesiones contra el joven Byron Daniel Irías Duarte, de 18 años, habitante de la comarca Trincheras. El afectado relató que se dirigió a comprar cigarrillos a una pulpería y a la vivienda de su primo Manuel Gómez, cuando en el trayecto le salió Norman, quien sin decir nada le propinó una pedrada en el pómulo izquierdo.

White Ninja can't see atoms

Jala Jala presents another White Ninja comic: White Ninja can't see atoms

Atoms are too small to be seen.

What about midgets? Can they see atoms?

Un junte para la historia

Ayer una amiga consiguió boletos a un concierto gratuito de Sidestepper. El anfiteatro de la universidad donde fue el concierto no era un local adecuado para la música bailable de este divertido grupo electro-latino de Colombia.

Aparentemente todas las chicas de las historias más patéticas, La Quantum Healer, La Hippie que me usó de butaca y La Apestosa, entre otras, son igual de mordías que yo y estaban todas en este concierto gratis.

La Quantum Healer quería que hablaramos de la famosa película de pseudosciencia What the #$*! Do We (K)now!?

La Hippie se mostró sorprendida y luego incómoda al verme.

La Apestosa ya no apesta.

Mi amiga gozaba de lo lindo al verme tratar de esconderme de ellas, y más aun, finalmente ver algunos de los personajes de mis historias más famosas. Yo en cambio, no me disfruté el concierto; donde quiera que me movía parecía estar rodeado de amistades de algún personaje y el personaje terminaba iendo a verme.

Esta universidad es demasiado chiquita.

El Rey de las Manos Duras

Ray Barretto (1929-2006)

Acuerdense que a Barretto
nadie lo puede igualar

Que la salsa nunca muera.

indestructible

Esto es lo mas triste que me ha tocado bloggear jamas.

Ray Barretto ya no tocara mas la conga para nosotros. Aunque ya tenia 76 años y habia estado sufriendo de problemas de salud en las ultimas semanas, la noticia de su fallecimiento es inesperada para aquellos que deseabamos verlo recuperado. El no se logro recuperar completamente de la operacion de desvio coronario que le habian hecho hace unas semanas.

El dia de hoy sera para mi uno de reflexion. No solo acerca de Ray Barretto y su carrera, si no que de la musica salsa. Estoy muy contento de haber conocido su musica y me siento orgulloso de ser cocolo.

Cuando en la vida se sufre una herida,
porque se pierde sangre querida
En ese momento coge el destino en tu mano
echa pa'lante mi hermano
con la ayuda de nueva sangre

soy cocolo

Pon, pon, pon, ponte el sombrero

Antonia Pujols, creadora del exitoso y controversial Mimbre Despeinado, insiste en que reproduzca en su forma original nuestra conversación de donde se originó el post de The Cat in the Hat. En su sabiduría ella indica que en mi versión traducida se pierde lo patético que soy. A modo de experimento, incluyo aquí la transcripción. Si prefieren ésta versión de la historia, lo consideraré para futuros posts. Si no, al menos le sirve como un vistazo al proceso creativo de Jala-Jala.

Phobos: historia #2
Antonia Pujols: adelante
Phobos: viernes, queria hacer algo
Phobos: y termine con un pana en un bar ahi
Phobos: que no me gusta
Phobos: a mi no me gusta el bar scene pa conocer muchachas
Phobos: pero no habia mas na que hacer
Phobos: asi que con la filosofia de que con suficiente alcohol todo es mejor
Phobos: procedi a mejorar ese bar que tenia una banda que decia ser de ska
Phobos: yo como amante del ska clasico estaba sumamente ofendido
Phobos: hasta luego de varios tragos
Phobos: que estaba en una esquina parado, medio bailando
Phobos: pero mas bien chequeandome las chicas rubias, probablemente de sororidad o algo asi, bailando como bobas entre ellas
Phobos: tenia una chaqueta de corduroy con parchos en los codos
Phobos: y mi sombrero fedora
Antonia Pujols: cual es ese sombrero?
Antonia Pujols: lo he oido pero no tengo mental picture
Phobos: como el de indiana jones
Phobos: no tanto asi
Antonia Pujols: ya
Phobos: mas elegante
Phobos: pero ese corte
Phobos: como El Padrino
Phobos: como dick tracy
Phobos: ese tipo de sombrero
Phobos: pues, una tipa (no rubia) me ve de lejos
Phobos: me sonrie, y me viene a bailar
Phobos: pero no ahi pegado ni nada, solo baila mas o menos cerca
Phobos: y yo le bailo
Phobos: y me quito el sombrero
Phobos: y lo bailaba como medio guaguancó
Antonia Pujols: jajajajajajaja (perdon)
Phobos: que con el sombrero en mano la dirigia
Antonia Pujols: si
Phobos: y ella respondiendo
Phobos: entonces, le pongo el sombrero
Antonia Pujols: JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (perdon)
Phobos: y ella se lo inclina pa'lante
Phobos: como medio cubriendose la cara
Phobos: creyendose que me mira sexy
Phobos: (esto NO es la primera vez que me pasa esto)
Antonia Pujols: (te miraba sexy?)
Phobos: y yo hago lo de siempre
Phobos: que me voy a bailar pa mi lao
Phobos: tiene mi sombrero: esta amarra
Phobos: y ahora me tiene ELLA que llamar a mi
Phobos: es como un baile de salon el asunto
Antonia Pujols: pero por que te alejas?
Antonia Pujols: ya, soooo 1850!
Phobos: sip
Phobos: funciona
Phobos: ella camina
Phobos: como bailando sexy, pa acercarse a mi
Phobos: y yo en lo mio
Phobos: y cuando la veo, le doy par de vueltitas
Antonia Pujols: (era linda?)
Phobos: y le quito el sombrero
Phobos: (me parecio linda, pero yo estaba alcoholizado)
Antonia Pujols: veo
Phobos: y bailamos entonces mas pegado
Antonia Pujols: sigue
Phobos: y me pongo el sombrero
Phobos: y pues, ya estabamos mas pegados
Phobos: entonces, se termina la cancion
Phobos: le doy un abrazo, y le pregunto su nombre
Phobos: (lo dijo, lo repeti, e inmediatamente se me olvido)
Phobos: entonces
Phobos: ella me empieza a tirar la monga
Phobos: de una forma que me dio ASCO
Phobos: osea, no era montar conversacion
Antonia Pujols: como?
Phobos: era decir cosas buenas de mi
Phobos: y eso es bien superficial
Phobos: por ejemplo
Phobos: a decirme que tenia el pelo lindo
Phobos: y luego que yo era bien romantico
Phobos: y que tenia que ser inteligente
Antonia Pujols: romantico?!?!
Phobos: (recuerda que lo unico que yo dije fue al preguntarle el nombre)
Antonia Pujols: GOD
Phobos: sip
Phobos: EXACTO
Antonia Pujols: inteligente?
Antonia Pujols: como lo sabe?
Phobos: me dio asco
Phobos: me hizo sentir como un cerdo
Phobos: "shallow" me senti
Phobos: vacio
Phobos: horrible
Antonia Pujols: nene pero por que como un cerdo?
Antonia Pujols: tu eres una comedia
Antonia Pujols: eres como un personaje de woody allen, o peor, como woody
Phobos: soy woody
Phobos: ok
Phobos: entonces su amiga viene a decirle que se van ya
Phobos: y la muchacha me dice "que pena que la noche se termine ya"
Phobos: como queriendo que le pida el numero
Phobos: pero yo me sentia vacio todavia
Phobos: y no se lo pedi
Phobos: luego se fue
Phobos: regreso
Phobos: me tomo mi mamo
Phobos: y ME LA BESO
Phobos: y se fue
Antonia Pujols: tu estas tripeando!
Antonia Pujols: no te creo
Phobos: te lo juro
Antonia Pujols: me meo, es super comico

Luego de eso no se que le pasó a Antonia, creo que se fue a limpiar la orina al baño.

The Cat in the Hat

My buddy suggested that we should go to some-pick-up-bar-with-girls. That usually means I end up in a stupid bar with stupid music and stupid sorority girls. I just hate that "pick-up bar" scene. It is always weird, I get bored by simple-minded soro-girls and feel like I'm wasting my time. I always end up feeling awkward and old, wondering why the hell do I still do this to myself.

But this time I had the Hat.


Fedora hats are classic fashion accessories. From The Godfather to Indiana Jones, they spell class and adventure.

And I have one of those.

It is a magical Hat. It gets nice comments everytime we go out. It makes the wearer cooler, more secure of himself, more attractive to the girls and not desperate. The Hat carries a persona with it, a Cool Cat, too cool.


We ended up at a stupid bar with stupid music and stupid sorority girls. By the end of the night I was standing on the side of the dance floor, sipping one of many drinks that were more expensive than they should and had less liquor than I needed. I was watching the stupid soro-blondes dance to something that can only be described as skatological music.

And there was a girl on the other side of the dance floor. We made eye contact, and she smiled. She started dancing, clearly moving towards me. I responded by dancing while keeping some distance. I took my Hat off, and with it in my hand, invited her to get closer.

She started dancing closer and closer to me, going around each other in guaguanco fashion. I responded by putting the Hat on her head, and she tilted it forward giving me a sensual stare.

I know the drill, so I started dancing away from her. As long as she is wearing the Hat, she knows she is mine. She took the only reasonable course of action: started to dance towards me trying to call my attention with sensual movements.

Maybe I should pick up ballroom dancing.

She came close to me, each of us spinning around each other with decreasing radius like a satellite that touches the atmosphere, until we were face to face, burning. And the crappy song was over. "Wow", she seemed to say with her eyes.

I asked for her name, and repeated it after her: a mnemonic technique. It failed. I forgot her name as soon as she started talking talking talking to me and I realized that either she was mentally handicapped, intellectually impaired, retarded or from a sorority. "You are so romantic." she said. "Your curly hair is so pretty." she said. After her long pathetic excuse of trying to hit on me I had already decided that I have scrapped off gum off the sole of my shoes with rocks smarter than her.

The Hat can't stand dumb bitches.

I'm cooler than that, after all, I have the Hat. She was attractive, my drunken-self decided; but she was a fucking dumb bitch, my Hat responded. I could fuck a dumb bitch, couldn't I? Couldn't I?

"You are so intelligent" she said. That felt like shit. Not any kind of shit, but a piece of shit floating in shallow water: low in density, superficial. I have standards, Hat decided, I can't hook up with a girl like this.

Her soro-blonde friend came to inform her that it was time to go. "Too bad it was so short, wasn't it?". Whatever. I said bye with a lame hug. "Stay romantic" she said as she left with her sorority crowd.

And it was right there that I realized that the only thing I had said to her in the whole intercourse was during the short name exchange. She tried so hard to hit on me that she didn't even let me talk. She must be really desperate, I thought as I took off the Hat and put it on the table.

Out of nowhere, she reappears and grabs my hand and kisses it.

What the fuck was that role reversal!?!?

As she leaves out of the door, I snap out of the role-reversal confusion realizing that I am desperate, very desperate, and I must have been out of my mind for not asking for her phone number. I tried to run after her, nearly tripping down the stairs. I came back up after spending several minutes trying to find her. My friend was ready to leave so I grabbed my Hat and looked at it: a blessing and a curse.

I'm too old for these things, why do I always do this to myself?, I thought as I put the Hat back on.

On my way out of the club I heard someone said "That is a cool Hat."

How to write a scientific proposal

For the past few days I've learned quite a bit about writing scientific proposals. Here is a mockup proposal that could serve as a guide for n00bs on the art of writing proposals.

Random Looking Numbers and codes
More random looking numbers and codes

NAME OF AN AGENCY THAT YOU THINK HAS MONEY, like Department of Defense, or Homeland Security Shit, or Intelligence crap

Random numbers and letters

Title: The research you have already done applied to some buzzword

Principal Investigator: Someone famous in your field, PhD.

Team: Your name, not PhD
Other names of people that have done significant work in the field and are friendly towards you.

Budget: X Million of dollars for the next 1 year mostly for traveling and pens.

Highlights of the vitae of the P.I.: He invented everything in the field, and every other field ever known. He started the buzzword, even named it and published about it 100 years before everyone else in the best journals evah. He pnwed everyone else in teh field!!!1111111111



"The research you have already done applied to some buzzword"
Name of organization with the spendola

Executive summary:

The PI did everything. Ever. Done. Now we want to apply it to all your problems. Oil? Terrorists? Anthrax? Hurricanes? Nucular Weapons? Global Warming? We will solve them all because we have published a lot [see references 1 to 55]. Some other people have published a bit too [reference the scientists you guess will end up making a decision on this proposal]. We will improve on what they have done and use our m4d 5k1lls to do what they said couldn't be done. Our method will consist of... shoot, I don't have any more room to actually explain anything that we will do.

Background Information:

During the world's history, human knowledge has advanced on the shoulders of the P.I. [reference some ancient religious books]. The PI's research is on the brink of solving Life, The Universe and Everything Else.

Statement of Work:

If you give us your money, we will use technologies to solve problems. Then we will use intellect to unify these problems into the most important scientific achievement ever [see refereces]. We will do all these and then some, because we are the best of the best [see more references].

Now, give us your money and don't ask for any results back, bitches.

wild west bank robbery

Fear, uncertainty, bochinche.
These were the feeling that ran among some of the students of the campus. Well, maybe not fear but everybody was spreading the word of the two guys that robbed the bank inside the campus.

Asaltan sucursal del Popular pero se logra recuperar parte del botín

Dos sujetos portando armas de fuego asaltaron poco antes de las cuatro de la tarde de ayer la sucursal del Banco Popular en el Recinto de Mayagüez de la Universidad de Puerto Rico, pero la pronta movilización de efectivos de la Policía hizo que éstos dejaran parte del botín a poca distancia del campus.

Pretty stupid that the local police can't get two guys. They should get in shape with Kobbo's fitness program.

Disclaimer: you have to be bilingual to understand this article
Translation: "Mi pobre angelito"

The (eigen)State of the Union

Me: I didn't watch it; I can't stand listening to that guy anymore.
Friend: That's understandable.
Me: So, what is it?
Friend: What?
Me: What is the current State of the Union?
Friend: Oh, good, good. Everything is good.
Me: Economy?
Friend: Rising.
Me: Terrorists?
Friend: Hiding and on the run...
Me: Faster than we can bomb them.
Friend: ... and whenever they stop to catch their breath from running so much, they tape themselves, and send us messages.
Me: That is very considerate on their part. What is the state of freedom?
Friend: Oh, freedom is doing great, way better than liberty.
Me: Of course.
Friend: And we are spreading it.
Me: That is great news. What about science?
Friend: Oh, it will be better than ever. Our Science President promised more money for it in the next 10 years.
Me: What about his ideas about going back to the Moon and Mars that he talked about before the elections? Has he backed those up yet?
Friend: He forgot to talk about it.
Me: And to give any money for it.
Friend: Of course.
Me: He might not be the Science President in my mind, but he will always be it in my heart.