MAD Scientists vs Superman

The university newspaper ran an article debunking Superman's physics. The two members of the MAD League were interviewed.

MAD League upset with hero for defying laws of physics

Miracle and Rodriguez are the founding and only members of the Momentum Anti-Defamation League. MAD League, whose sole purpose is to conserve momentum, also claims that "in order for Superman to fly, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. That is, he cannot fly forward without propelling something backwards."

The two physics students have a long-standing grudge with many superheroes, but they see Superman as the "original momentum violator."

[...]

Consequently, the Linear Momentum Anti-Defamation League and the Angular Momentum Anti-Defamation League merged into MAD League when Superman made the two major physical violations of flying and spinning the earth backwards.

[...]

"If Superman can see X-rays, where do they come from?" asked Rodriguez. "You need an X-ray source on the other side of your subject."

Miracle said "Kryponite, a Krypton-Oxygen pseudo-crystal, would clearly not be solid at room temperature."

The two MAD members have speculated on how to nullify the powers of the man they consider to be the greatest terrorist toward our physical universe. They think that since Superman's powers depend on the color of the sun (Krypton's sun is red, while the Earth's sun is mostly yellow), it could mean his powers are frequency-dependant and possibly related to the photo-electric effect. The photo-electric effect was described by Einstein more than a hundred years ago.

Confident about whether the laws of physics will ultimately prevail over Superman, Rodriguez said "Steven Weinberg, physics Nobel Laureate at UT, would beat Superman any day."

Por favor, no le digan Porky

En el periodico Primera Hora ahora reportan noticias impactantes de Chile. Yo creo que notaron la popularidad de las Noticias de Por favor... aquí reseñadas, y decidieron ganar publicidad gratis. Pues, aquí se las doy:

Pierde nariz por un mosquito

[...] Tardo Lamas, que gusta del alcohol y soporta a diario las palizas que le propina su mujer [...] vive una pesadilla desde que hace algunos días le picó un zancudo en lo que era su nariz.

[...] la nariz le ardía tanto que decidió levantarse en medio de la oscuridad y se dirigió hasta un lavadero donde agarró un puñado de polvo que creyó detergente y se lavó la herida. [...] el polvo no era detergente sino ácido, elemento corrosivo que en un par de días le quemó carne y cartílago.

Cuenta que al tercer día se le cayó la nariz, situación que lo tiene al borde de una crisis de nervios mientras que sus amigos que, al igual que él, gustan de empinar el codo, le molestan llamándole "Porky" por los dos hoyos que ahora reemplazan su nariz.

Asociación Nuevo a Renacer - Por una Juventud sin Mácula

Una vez más los españoles nos deleitan con sus ocurrencias en este video de Los Happiness:

Amo a Laura

Dejemos todo lo demas para otro dia
Quisiera besarte pero sin ensuciarte
Quisiera abrazarte sin dejar de respetarte.
Amar es saber esperar, es saber esperar, es saber esperaaaarrrr...

Amo a Laura, pero esperaré hasta el matrimonio
Amo a Laura, pero esperaré hasta el matrimonio

No voy a arrancar esa flor,
quien la destruya,
no seré yo...

Luego de ver ese, mira el siguiente video, con letra aun más genial (y no apta para la iglesia) llamado:

Me peto a Laura

Me peto a Laura
cabalgandome sus nalgas

A la verdad que yo no maduro para nada.

Football Fever: La FIFA lee mi blog

Saludos a los jugadores y coaches de la Copa Mundial de la FIFA que leen este blog religiosamente.



Horas despues de mi post reclamando más violencia en el futbol fue el juego de Portugal y Holanda. En este juego se estableció un record de 4 tarjetas rojas y repartieron además 16 amarillas. El arbitro perdió el control del juego que se convirtió en un Royal Rumble mezclado con Braveheart dirigido por Quentin Tarantino. Portugal se mueve en contra de Inglaterra sólamente con un equipo amoretonado y en la banca.

Ahora, mientras están leyendo ustedes los de FIFA, podrían mover los juegos de modo que toquen por la nochesita en donde yo vivo? Es que si no tengo que faltar al trabajo para ver los juegos. Gracias mil.

Football Fever: El Deporte Original

Todos los deportes son un cojunto de reglas para controlar la violencia del deporte original: las peleas. Tenía muchas sugerencias para mejorar el deporte de Football introduciendo más peleas. Por ejemplo, en el segundo tiempo del juego de Güey vs Ché que el balón se pasaba en el medio campo de forma aburrida, era cuestión de dejar que los jugadores se pelearan un rato y ya. Par de puños revolcarían el interes en el juego y los fanaticos y lo hubiera sacado de su estancamiento sin necesidad de irse a tiempo extra. "Sangre! Sangre! Sangre!" era lo que cantabamos para ver si el juego se ponía mejorcito.

Fallé en convencer a mis amistades pro-Argentina de ir a ver el juego en una barra llena de Mexicanos.

"Nos podrían dar una pela."
"Pero eso haría el juego más emocionante, no?"

Terminamos en una barra mixta, pero pacífica. Los cantos de los mexicanos eran ahogados por nuestro estribillo de "No Güey! No Güey! No Güey!".

La última idea brillante que se me ocurrió tuvo un voto en contra unánime.

"No vamos a amarrar una piñata al carro y arrastrarla por la ciudad para celebrar que Argentina ganó." dijeron mis amigos.

Es que mis amigos no son buenos deportistas.

A Physicist, A Poem

APS held a physics lymerics contest. Some of my favorites follow.

Condensed Story of Ms Farad
by A. P. French

Miss Farad was pretty and sensual
And charged to a reckless potential;
But a rascal named Ohm
Conducted her home -
Her decline was, alas, exponential.

Einstein, Podolsky and Rosen
by David Halliday

Two photons, close-coupled at start,
Flew several parsecs apart.
Said one, in distress,
"What you're forced to express
Removes any choice on my part."

On What's New and True
author unknown

A certain Phys Rev referee
Considers all papers with glee:
"What's new is not true,
And what's true is not new,
Unless it was written by me."
[Editors Note: Several varients on this theme were submitted.]

See You at Work
by Steve Langer

The chairman of AT&T
Said, "Your graduate physics degree
Is not worth a - penny,
Of your kind we've too many.
Perhaps you can program in C?"

I'm a dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork.

The Crazy Girl III: In search of the crazy girl

I haven't seen the Crazy Girl that used to wander around my neighborhood and every now and then talked to me in a not so friendly manner.

Where has she been in the past month? Has her schizophrenia finally triggered a response from her relatives? Is she ok?

I miss her insults and random hatred.

Wherever you are, Crazy Girl, know that know that a lot of people miss the creepiness that you provided to our neighborhood.

look around you: maths

>10 PRINT "LOOK AROUND YOU ";
>20 GOTO 10
>RUN



Gather your pencils, erasers and calculating machines for a journey through the fantastic world of MATHS (Mathematical Anti Telharsic Harfatum Septomin). There you will discover important facts such as that the largest number is about 45,000,000,000, although mathematicians suspect that there may be even larger numbers.

So, the next time that you are planning your trajectory to your work (if you can fly), take a time and look around you to see if you can find what you are looking for: MATHS!

Football Fever: Goal Distributions and non-Gaussian Statistics

A few weeks ago, an interesting unconventional paper showed up in the online repositories for physics preprints (the arXiv).

Football fever: goal distributions and non-Gaussian statistics

Analyzing football score data with statistical techniques, we investigate how the not purely random, but highly co-operative nature of the game is reflected in averaged properties such as the probability distributions of scored goals for the home and away teams. As it turns out, especially the tails of the distributions are not well described by the Poissonian or binomial model resulting from the assumption of uncorrelated random events. [...]

In other words, contrary to previous studies, but agreeing with popular belief, the probability of a team scoring in a game is not the same through out the game. That is, factors such as "being on fire", support from the crowd and other psychological factors carry a considerable impact in the outcome of the game, and there seem to be a correlation between scoring before and scoring again.

This particular study says that they developed some models that assume non-Gaussian distribution (not like a bell-curve) that seem to work very well for many leagues but not for the World Cup. More precise time-resolved scoring data would be necessary to make more detailed studies.

When I'm 64

Paul McCartney turned 64 Yesterday. It was a A Hard Day's Night, and I had to Drive My Car to go Alamo Drafthouse where they had a Beatles Sing-Along to celebrate the occasion with some good Rock & Roll Music. They had toy instruments for the audience that were included in the Money I paid for the Ticket to Ride. They even gave out lighters to light during the songs! Fire hazard? Help!

Some girls in the audience brought a Birthday cake and an old women did the Twist & Shout like she was in her teens again. Aint she sweet?

The show was very fun, we sang All Together Now while we took a Magical Mystery Tour through many of The Beatles videos. What a blast!

Hello, Goodbye.


Here is a video of Paul McCartney making mashed potatoes:



It is scary to watch him chop an onion, he almost cuts his fingers!

How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

The next-generation nuclear bomb is being developed. And I watched (for Nth time where N > 15) what is my favorite movie; Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb Here are some quotes from both.

Dr. Strangelove: Sir! I have a plan! [...] Mein Furher! I Can walk!

The new weapon, under development for about a year, is intended to ensure the long-term reliability of the nation's inventory of bombs. Program backers say that with greater confidence in the quality of its weapons, the nation could draw down its stockpile, estimated at about 6,000 warheads.

General Jack D. Ripper: Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.

By law, the new weapons would pack the same explosive power as existing warheads and be suitable only for the same kinds of military targets as the weapons they replace. As a result, unlike past proposals for new atomic weapons, the current project has bipartisan support in Congress.

General "Buck" Turgidson: We cannot have a mineshaft gap!

Without the reliable replacement warhead, U.S. scientists say, the nation will end up with old and potentially unreliable bombs within the next 15 years, allowing future adversaries to challenge U.S. supremacy and erode the nation's so-called "strategic deterrent."

Dr. Strangelove: It is not only possible, it is essential.

The new bomb would have to be built and deployed without testing. The U.S. last conducted an underground test in Nevada in 1991 and has since imposed a moratorium on new testing.

Dr. Strangelove: Based on the findings of the report, my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious.

Richard Garwin, the physicist who helped design the first H-bomb in 1952 and remains a leading authority on nuclear weapons, opposes the new bomb and is worried it will lead to new testing. "We don't need it," he said. "No science will be able to keep these political doubts away."

President Merkin Muffley: [to Russian Premier] Good... Well, it's good that you're fine and... and I'm fine... I agree with you, it's great to be fine... a-ha-ha-ha-ha... Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb... The Bomb, Dmitri... The hydrogen bomb!... Well now, what happened is... ah... one of our base commanders, he had a sort of... well, he went a little funny in the head... you know... just a little... funny. And, ah... he went and did a silly thing... Well, I'll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes... to attack your country... Ah... Well, let me finish, Dmitri... Let me finish, Dmitri... Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?... Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dmitri?...

The Coryphaeus of Science: How to Cheat

Cheating is an important part of any undergraduate edumacation program. If, after all that you paid in tuition you failed to learn how to cheat properly, you should feel ripped off.

As an instructor, we try not to witch-hunt for cheaters. But, sometimes, the cheating is so obvious that it has to be dealt with.

It is sad when this happens, and somewhat painful. I try to project my share of the pain onto the students that cheated until I get some entertainment or tears followed by tortured Mea Culpas. It is like the merciless love that parents shouldn't ever use but do. It builds character, I rationalize. Since I'm the best TA ever, it would imply that I'm some sort of Stalin, a despot, but a "Gardener of Human Happiness" nevertheless. I love my students.

Here are a few tips on how to cheat:

2. Don'’t talk British.
The only people allowed to use the word "colour" are those with Indian surnames.
[...]
8. Edit > Paste Special > Unformatted Text
This is my Number 1 piece of advice, even if it is numbered eight. When you copy things from the web into Word, ignoring #3 above, don't just Edit-Paste” it into your document.

And please, for the love of dog, don't photocopy entire pages of the lab reports from your friend in the same section.

... And there was light!

Today is James C. Maxwell's 175th birthday!

Maxwell was one of the greatest mathematicians and physicists in history. His work on statistical distributions, statistical mechanics, and more importantly, electro-magnetism redefined the way the universe was understood.

For your delight, I include a link to Maxwell's equations. These beautiful equations unified radiation (light!), electricity and magnetism and while he was at it, he made it relativistically invariant (inspiring Einstein to develop his Special Relativity).

Perro vs. Chimpancé

Leí un interesante y accesible artículo acerca de la parte social de el lenguaje.

Si esta idea le parece un tanto difícil de entender, trate de señalar en una dirección o de mirar fijamente en esa dirección frente a un infante de 3 meses, que ya tiene el desarrollo visual suficiente como para ver lo que usted está haciendo. Se dará cuenta de que el niño lo mirará fijamente y, a lo sumo, sonreirá. Pero considérese afortunado si el infante, en efecto, mira en la dirección que usted intenta señalarle. Por otro lado, cualquier dueño de perro suele pavonearse de que su can es capaz de superar esa misma tarea sin mayores trabas.

Su autora es una mujer divertida, brillante, seria, hermosa, cordial, sensual, madura, activa, sabia, le gustan las caminatas en la playa y las piñas coladas, y nunca dejaría su tesis de maestría para último momento.

District B13

Paris' ghettos have been gone out of control. The worst one is District B13. Sounds like a generic premise for a yamakasi (urban running) movie, right?



District B13 is the best action movie I've seen since Kill Bill. There is no BS, the director (The Professional, La Femme Nikita) knows that this is an action movie, and gets on with it. There are some really cool chase scenes (on foot!) and some great fights. It was great to see some creative acrobatics without wires. The french hip-hop soundtrack was very fitting, and the movie just rushed from incredible action scene to incredible action scene for the whole 80 minutes. Whenever I thought there would be a cliché, the plot took a slight shift to something a lot cooler than what I predicted.

This movie should have been formulaic and generic. But the execution was mind-blowing. One of the best action movies in years. Simple. Fun. Awesome.

Best? TA? Ever?

I just got this email:

It gives me great pleasure to inform you that you have been selected as an Outstanding Teaching Assistant for 2006. Your name was placed in nomination by the chairman of your department and was based not only on your scholastic achievement, but most importantly on your commitment to the discipline of physics and physics education. [...]

I don't even know what it means or implies. How do they select these people for these "awards"? What do they consider? Student evaluations? 'cause I think they aren't very meaningful. And the chairman doesn't even know me. Weird.

I'll get a subscription to a physics education magazine, so it can't be bad.

UPDATE

Looking at the American Association of Physics Teachers' webpage, I found the following:

Outstanding Teaching Assistant Awards

Annually, AAPT solicits nominations for Outstanding Teaching Assistants to be recipients of the AAPT Outstanding Teaching Assistant Award.

A department chair of any university with a graduate physics program may nominate one TA at that institution who will then be awarded the AAPT Outstanding Teaching Assistant Award. The nominating chairperson must be an AAPT member.

Los Tenis de El Gran Combo

Tengo que lavar mis tenis, y ponerlo' en el balcón,
porque quiero que se sequen antes que se oculte el sol.

Así dice la canción de El Gran Combo. Y que alegre es esa canción, pensé. Así que decidí este verano hacer lo mismo.

Está bien de cuando en vez presumir que uno es atleta,
y salir por la ciudad pedaliando en bicicleta.

Empecé a correr por la ciudad. Correr a pie, correr bici, correr bici por caminos de mountain bikes. Y estoy medio adicto al asunto.

Hoy me desconectaré del trajín rutinario,
por este día soy feliz sin problemas ni horarios.

Descubrí un trail bien chevere, Shoal Creek para la bici. Es fácil, pero suficientemente rocoso para mantener la adrenalina corriendo. Se siente bien nitido ir a las millas cuesta abajo en la bici por peñones grandes que de nada uno se puede caer y rajarse la cabeza. Me compraré un casco, por más pendejo que se vea. También me tripea pedalear cuesta arriba que uno piense que se le van a morir las piernas en cualquier momento, para entonces ver que chevere es la bajada que te espera que te secará el sudor. De verdad es una cura.

Porque hoy presumo de atleta y me monto en mi bicicleta, y sigo el relajo,
Mañana tendré trabajo, ajetreo, prisa y tensión.
Quiero sentir alegría a todo mi alrededor.

Kon-Tiki

A Norwegian biologists sets out to prove that the Incas from Peru could have traveled to the Polynesian islands. Their statues were similar, he observed. The Incas' sun-god was named Kon-Tiki while the Polynesian sun-god was named Tiki. The Incas had a legend about their leader going west through the sea for a better place, while the Polynesians had their own legend about their ancestors coming from the eastern sea.

He decided to build a balsa-wood raft using only Spanish descriptions of Inca boats, and took a camera with him to film the whole voyage. Kon-Tiki is the movie about their adventures. And what adventures where those: sharks, whales, storms, corals and 101 days in the sea. It is a great, thrilling, short documentary made in the 50s that everyone should watch.

Culebra es una mierda

"Culebra es una mierda." fue la reseña de una señora que estaba hablando por celular en el area de acampar de Playa Flamenco. Entre sus comentarios estaba:

"Culebra es bien chiquito."
"Esto es un playa y más ná."
"Los hotdogs son bien caros."
"Aquí no hay ná que ver."

Yo creo que ella no habia visto la playa todavía o algo. No entiendo de que habla, porque al ver por primera vez Playa Flamenco, las rodillas se me aflojaron. Cada mañana me levantaba de mi hamaca con el sol, me daba un chapuzón y me daba cuenta que lo que recordaba de la playa del día anterior no hacia justicia a lo que era. Sencillamente es el lugar más hermoso que he visto. Y uno no se acostumbra a lo hermoso que es. Yo no me quería ir. Quiero regresar. No dejo de pensar en Culebra.

Habíamos tirado unas fotos, pero la cámara trili con las fotos cool se jodió, así que aquí tengo una foto que tiró mi hermana.



La foto no le hace justicia a la playa. Está brutal: las arenas más blancas, el agua más cristalina, el verde monte que la rodea, la gente todo el mundo en afán de fiestar. Por la noche no había luna, así que se veía un cielo estrellado increible. Habían hasta nidos de tinglar.

Culebra está cabrón.

pac man fever waca waca waca

I saw this fake pac man movie trailer. It looks so much better than the Street Fighter the Movie.


But if there was a pac man movie, I hope it is like this:

Trapped in the Closet (Chapter 1-5)

Enjoy the first 5 chapters of the R. Kelly's Magnus Opus:



I still recommend the DVD, so you watch all 12 chapters back to back.

The Best of Sex Ed + R Kelly

We went to Alamo Drafthouse (best movie theater, etc) and watched their show featuring the best (worst) sexual education videos from the 40s to the 80s. I've learned some amazingly fucked up shit. From the Disney cartoons explaining the attack plan of the evil syphilis and gonorrhea, to the guitar song teaching what penis, vulba and anus are. In one of them, it was presented how these days (in the late 40s) many growing men don't really understand sexual intercourse. That is why there are more blind men than the number of soldiers killed in WWII.

I would like to remind you that these are real videos shown in schools to kids.

To all these videos there was a social subtext about how each gender should be pushed into doing the appropiate things, like playing football or staying home respectively. When talking about venereal diseases, it was implied many times that they were caused by immigrants who would tempt the poor boys from good families after a day of hard work.

The most striking video was one focused on how to teach people with mental disability about sex. They were referred to as "trainables", and it was actually very good, straightforward and accurate. Yes, the only video that had some good information was the one for retarded people.


After this, we went to another show in the theater, the R. Kelly Trapped in the Closet sing-along. R. Kelly, best known for the accusations of peeing on minors while recording it on tape, decided to make a music video epic. Considering that his previous music songs revolved around phrases like "sex me baby", "grind" and so on, you can see the genius in it.

A story of multiply connected, Jerry-Springfieldesque-adulteries is narrated by the awful awful rapping of Mr. Retarded Kelly. He rhymes the word "dresser" with "beretta". He rhymes the word "in" with "in". He rhymes "Bridget" with "Midget". Yes, there is a midget involved in this story. And a gay pastor. And a policeman. We got to see some of the special features of the DVD, and it is amazing how R. Kelly thinks this is his opus, his masterpiece. For real, he is serious.

Go get the DVD, bring some friends and get some beer, and enjoy this hip-hopera.