kancho i choose you!

I can imagine the Pokemon Development Team in a brainstorming session.

- There should be a pokemon named Kancho.
< the rest of the team listens carefully >
- He could be the evolution of Pikachu. Instead of yelling "piiiiii kaaaaa CHU" he could squeal "kaaaa aaaannnn CHO" and kanchos the opponent
< everybody nods in approval >

Adventures of a Teacher in Japan

I found this web site with the stories of an African-American (PC) English Teacher in Japan part of the JET program. They are mostly about the culture he has seen in Japan. That is, how sick some people can be over there. That is, how sick his middle school students are trying to grab his penis and shove their fingers up his ass in class, a game they call Kancho. I know it sounds weird, but the stories are actually really funny. Not porn or anything, just really messed up kids, cultural clash. The site has many stories, the best thing is to read them in order to really get them. Here are a few teasers:

Protecting The Merchandise
I decided to try and reason with him. "Why do you wanna touch that? Don't you like girls?" I said in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. His response? "Lemme touch it! It's big right? I bet you it's big!" He then turns to the English teacher, a Japanese man in his mid-thirties, for confirmation. "It's big, isn't it?" My teacher's response? "Please don't compare him to us Japanese guys."

Ass Wars Episode VI - Return of the Kancho
"What in the world did you just do?" I ask.
"Kancho." He says nonchalantly, as if it's the most natural thing in the world to try and ram your fingers up someone's ass.
"Uh-huh. If you ever try that again, I will give you the biggest kancho in the history of Japan," I say. "General Tojo will feel it 60 years ago, and call his planes back before they get to Pearl Harbor. Got it?"

Ichinensei After Lunch
One boy though had drawn a picture. It was a stick figure representation of me, and a more filled out version of Godzilla. I was preparing to give Godzilla a kancho...but not with my fingers mind you. No, I was holding some sort of penis-shaped rocket, which I gleefully prepared to ram straight up Godzilla's ass. Godzilla's face had a strange smile on it, as if he were somehow excited over the prospect of getting this penis-rocket shoved up his ass. It was the most disturbing drawing I've ever seen, and I may go back and ask the teacher if she still has it.

The Octopus
I hesistate to tell this story, because it became a legend in Kyoto. I'd meet random people on the train who'd say "Oh! You're that octopus guy!" I'm seriously not even making that up. I had been trying to contain it the best I could, but I kind of figured it was hopeless when I ran into a friend who'd heard the story...while he was vacationing in Singapore. What the hell?! Anyway, I've sort of given up on containment, and since this can also potentially embarrass the hell out of my ex-girlfriend (that bitch...sorry, reflex...), I've decided to share with you all.
So anyway, The Octopus.
One day last winter, my ex-girlfriend and I were fooling around, and she agreed to give me a blow-job (note the verb usage - "agree", not "offer". That bitch). She said though she'd thought up a new technique, so she used this opporunity to try it out. She'd named it The Octopus. No, I will not tell you what "The Octopus" is, use your imaginations.

Not all the stories are sick, this one is quite cute.
I'm not sure if those stories are true or not, but, for sure, they are funny as hell.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

More evidence is appearing reaffirming that Bush wanted to invade Iraq without any compelling reason and was asking Blair for help, and even a justification. Read it here.

The warning, in a leaked Cabinet Office briefing paper, said Tony Blair had already agreed to back military action to get rid of Saddam Hussein at a summit at the Texas ranch of President George W Bush three months earlier.

The briefing paper, for participants at a meeting of Blair'’s inner circle on July 23, 2002, said that since regime change was illegal it was “necessary to create the conditions” which would make it legal.

“It is just possible that an ultimatum could be cast in terms which Saddam would reject,” the document says. But if he accepted it and did not attack the allies, they would be “most unlikely” to obtain the legal justification they needed.

Of course, once again, this is being ignored by the U.S. media.

WWJD?

that movie about death cab for cutie

I went to the Seattle International Film Festival to see Drive Well, Sleep Carefully, a movie about Death Cab for Cutie. The director said that when he started the project, he intended it to be a concert video. However, it evolved into a documentary about the band and "being in the road".

I think that I like the band a little less now. Watching them talking about how they have played some songs 5000 times and how has been the transition from a small van to a tour bus is contradictory to the view that they have of themselves. They feel like they are a band with a long trajectory when they are still 7 years old.

However, the film was well shot and edited. The videos were very representative of the energy that they bring into to stage. The director is very talented and capable of translating the message into the screen. It's too bad that the band was not as effective in doing this.

DJ Vader

Can you imagine Darth Vader spinning? Me neither. But you can witness it here.

The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.

i have a mac because i'm just better than you are

* panoramic shot
I started using mac because my last PC left me down completely. When it wasn't the paint getting bleached, it was the DVD ruining itself. Its massive 10 pounds of weight and its 45minutes of battery life transformed my laptop into a portable desktop.
* close up to face
However, my mac is great. It is light and can go coast to coast without having to plug it in. She embraced my old pc with a look that seemed to say "Don't be scared, I still have some use for you."
* Face shot aligned to the left.
From the first moment I turned my Powerbook on I started to feel more efficient. Its software is well designed to make life more comfortable.
* Panoramic shot, aligned to the right.
For the first time in my life I am using a phone book that does what I tell him to do. The calendar is light and doesn't try to do more than it should do. This is a change to the plain text file I used before.
* apple logo with apple.com/switch text written below
I am rabidmanx, and I switched to mac.

The Phantom

The Phantom console, is it real or not? Bachus says it is real, and has a demo! What is the problem with this? Well, first he can't seem to sell his business model in the video. Second, he shows menus on how to buy and order games. But does not show an actual game running. He even admits that his hardware is old now, and will not ever be cutting edge.

Horseless Carriage

I have acquired one of those new Horseless Carriages. Unlike normal carriages, it doesn't get tired, and requires less care than your typical horse. Only eats a petroleum product, and excretes gas that smells much better than manure.

My carriage, in particular, is of the standard type; apparently there is a non-standard type too. That means that to operate it you need to have some coordination between both legs as you both push with one and release a pedal with the other while you operate a lever with one of your hands. Why it is so complicated is beyond my understanding. What I do know is that if you misuse the pedals, the carriage starts acting like it was untamed and jumps around. Some other times it just refuses to move, which has already got me into precarious situations.

Swim w/o Mr. Sun

Last semester I was taking that swimming class. I improved a lot on my strokes and speed (har har) and really had fun. Now, summer is here, they don't offer the class, so I can't have a whole lane in the pool just for me early in the morning as I used to.
But, the Swim Center does offer some hours to go swim. MWF 6-7:30am. Yes, Mr. Sun isn't up yet at that time. Yes, I have a really hard time waking up before Mr. Sun. Me and my friend decided to go for it. The Tag-Team peer pressure worked out! I always love how I feel after swimming in the mornings, so I hope we can keep up the pressure going through the whole summer.

The Monster Engine

I have been fascinated for a while with children's drawings. I like their use of colors, and how it changes with age. I like how they abstract shapes from reality and how, given their motor skills that also mature with age, translate them into a picture. For a while , when I was 21 years old, I even attempted to imitate child's drawing at different ages. I don't think I did such a good job, but some people wouldn't believe me at all. They were convinced it was my lil' cousins who made them.

Some artist asks a different question. What would a child's drawing look if it were painted realistically? The Monster Engine tries to answer that question. He takes a child's drawing and redoes the whole thing (most of the time with spray paint). It looks so cool. This one is my favorite. This interview to one of the kids is quite interesting too!

new kids on the ww2

Phobos talked to me about Band of Brothers the other day so I made some research about it and found out that 2nd Lt. C. Carwood Lipton is Donnie Wahlberg former member of the New Kids on the Block. Now I really want to see the series.

Computer Programming

von Neumann, besides inventing the current computer architecture, also invented the concept of programming as we know it:

Instruction tables will have to be made up by mathematicians with computing experience and perhaps a certain puzzle-solving ability. There will probably be a good deal of work of this kind to be done, for every known process has got to be translated into instruction table form at some stage. This work will go on whilst the machine is being built, in order to avoid some of the delay between the delivery of the machine and the production of results. Delay there must be, due to the virtually inevitable snags, for up to a point it is better to let the snags be there that to spend such time in design that there are non (how many decades would this course take?) This process of constructing instruction tables should be very fascinating. There need be no read danger of it ever becoming a drudge, for any processes that are quite mechanical may be turned over to the machine itself.

Note how as he invented programming, he invented bugs!

Battle Royale

Japan is crumbling down. Violence at schools is totally out of control. What can be done to teach these kids to respect the adults? Batoru rowaiaru. A class is chosen at random to go to an island. Each kid is given a different weapon, and the one who survives after three days, wins. If more than one survive, they all get killed. True, there where gallons and gallons of fake bright blood and a cheesy predictable plot, but, that was such a fun movie! And the classical and baroque soundtrack was pretty cool too!

We have randomly selected weapons to put in your kits, so you might get lucky, and you might not. [Picks up axe] This one is SUPER lucky.

history is cool

So much stuff going these days about the guy who claims to be deep throat. Didn't we already know who Deep Throat was?

Update: The Daily Show reports.

Nuggets de Pollo en la Legislatura

En mi escuela superior una vez dieron nuggets de pollo exageradamente salados. El comedor se llenó como nunca de gente que escuchó que darían, por primera vez nuggets, un momento historico en el comedor. Cuando la gente se dió cuenta que sabían horribles, se formó una guerra de nuggets. La fila del comedor, usualmente llena de empujones y tensiones, se volvió el blanco de los nuggets voladores, y sus compositores (de la fila) se veían reducidos a recoger los salados proyectiles del piso, parcialmente destruidos, y devolverlos en trayectorias parabólicas acompañados de improperios.

La legislatura de Puerto Rico, dividida y dividida, ha entrado en un caos muy similar al tipo de revolú que se formaría en la fila del comedor en una escuela. Algunas citas de este, este y este articulo:

En varias ocasiones la senadora Norma Burgos obstaculizó los trabajos y en momentos lució descontrolada. Burgos también protagonizó una garata con el senador popular Cirilo Tirado, quien la llamó “buscona” y “trepa palo”.

La senadora Lornna Soto utilizó sus manos como megáfono para dejarse oír.

El senador Luis Daniel Muñiz levantó sus manos sujetando un papel con un mensaje al presidente del Senado, Kenneth McClintock, que leía “De Castro Font ya no es portavoz”.

Cada vez que se hablaba de Rosselló o hacían alusión a un cambio en el portavoz de la mayoría, los seguidores aplaudían o gritaban su nombre. Mientras que a los senadores que apoyan a McClintock les gritaban “traidores y Judas”.

Burgos incluso arrancó el rótulo que identificaba la banca que correspondía a su correligionario Carlos Díaz y lo guardó en su cartera, tras lo cual invitó a Nolasco a ocupar la silla. Según observadores que presenciaron la escena, Burgos rehusó devolver el cartel al macero Carlos Fajardo cuando éste se lo reclamó. "Por favor, devuélvame el letrero", le dijo Fajardo, y Burgos le replicó: "Si lo quiere, sáquelo de mi cartera".